An Understanding of Consent
Consent is a voluntary agreement, made without coercion, between persons with decision-making capacity, knowledge, understanding, and autonomy. It gives a person the ability to honestly affirm or deny a request.
  • Consent covers all forms of interaction. It creates a space where the safety and agency of all parties is honored using healthy communication and negotiation to craft informed boundaries in the moment and for the future.
  • Consent, explicit and implicit, is dependent on the capacity of the parties involved, the context of the situation, and can be revoked at any time. It is a process of constant and collaborative discovery. In a phrase: Consent is essential.
  • Consent is a part of our day to day life. Anywhere we or someone else sets a boundary or makes a request, there is the opportunity for consent to come into play. In the course of any given day, consent is confirmed and violated multiple times. People do it to us and we do it to other people.

Capacity
Consent is only valid when all the people involved are capable of giving and receiving consent. Each person must be able to both give and understand a clearheaded “Yes” or “No”.
Some things that impair or diminish capability:
  • Alcohol and other mind-altering substances (Know your limit. Recognize when someone is past theirs).
  • Lack of sleep, lack of food, hypoglycemia, and other physical issues.
  • Emotional vulnerability, significant grief or loss, mental health concerns, and other emotional/mental issues.
  • Basically, anything that would prevent you from driving a car, paying your bills, or being honest.
If you are uncertain if someone is able to give you honest and open consent, ask them. If you're still uncertain for any reason, don't continue. The more diminished someone’s capacity the higher the risk of violating consent.
 
Informed Consent
For Consent to be valid all the people involved need to know what's being asked of them. If you don't know what's being asked, there's no way for you to agree to it. Being clear about what you're asking for when you make a request is critical to avoiding misunderstandings and unintentional consent violations.
  • Do all sides have enough knowledge and/or information to make an informed decision?
  • Is everyone being honest and open?
  • Has everyone discussed the specific details surrounding the request?
  • As an example, when talking about sex, have you discussed: Safer Sex, Safe Words, Relationship Expectations, or Potential Risk Factors: STIs? Physical Injuries? Mental Health Concerns? Emotional Triggers? Other concerns?
  • Do we all understand and agree to the Boundaries discussed, set, and put in place?
If someone makes a request of you, and you're not sure what they're asking for, ask for clarification. Don't agree to something you don't understand.
 
Agreement
Once you have capacity and the information you need to know what you're agreeing to, the next step is to either give clear agreement, “Yes”, or state a clear boundary, “No”.
  • When you say yes to something you are affirming consent. When you say no, you are disaffirming consent.
  • Both your “Yes” and your “No” should be as explicit (clear, specific, and unambiguous) as possible. Explicit consent is the safest form of consent.
  • Both your “Yes” and “No” should be as enthusiastic as possible. When you’re not feeling enthusiastic be explicit.
  • Agreement or boundary setting can be (in order of most to least safe) Written, Verbal, or Nonverbal.
  • Agreement should be authentic and willing. “Yes” achieved by manipulation, coercion, or force is not consent.
Consider multiple ways to answer a request:
  • Give a simple “Yes” or try an Enthusiastic Yes: “Woo hoo!”  “Hell Yes!”  “Fuck Yes!”  “Yes Now!”
  • Give a Time Frame to think about it: “Give me a minute.”  “I need 10 minutes.”  “I’m not ready to answer.”
  • Give a simple “No.” or try an Enthusiastic No: “No!”  “I refuse.”  “That would violate my boundaries.”

Autonomy
Autonomy is the concept that people get to say what happens to/with their own body, mind, and spirit, and for how long. It is an inherent right and cannot be taken or given away.
  • Autonomy is the cornerstone of consent. We need to understand the autonomy of others to understand why they have the right to affirm or withhold consent regardless of our own wants.
  • Someone can’t ethically touch you, have sex with you, or use your body/mind/spirit in any way without your Continuous Consent.
  • Each person gets to say what is okay to do and gets to say when something is not okay anymore.