In these difficult times, we at the Consent Academy feel it is important to center the health and safety of our volunteers, clients, and students. As we have learned more about the pandemic and its potential impact on individuals, organizations, and society, we have found it necessary to play our part. As such, we have decided to cancel, postpone, or move on-line all of our offerings through the end of April 2020. We are going to do our best to get on-line learning and classes up as quickly as possible and appreciate your patience while we do that work. We will continue to pay attention to the unfolding situation and make changes as necessary. Please see our current schedule HERE for more information on offerings and changes.
It can be tempting during a crisis to ignore issues like consent as “unimportant” or “insignificant.” We believe the opposite is true. Now is the time to practice even better consent to both support the people around you and to help manage the risk of contracting or spreading the disease. Here are some things to consider during this current pandemic and around illness in general.
1. Do what you can to increase your capacity around illness and stress.
2. Practice clear, honest, and open information sharing.
3. Be clear and explicit when you agree to something or when you set a boundary.
4. Remember to center autonomy in your interactions.
5. Practice Consent, even when it’s hard.
We hope you’re all taking care of yourself and the people close to you. We can get through it together if we do what we can to take care of ourselves and others. Consent is a part of that and we hope you will find some time to center it in your life while we move through this difficult moment in history. Stay safe and stay consensual.
The Consent Academy
It can be tempting during a crisis to ignore issues like consent as “unimportant” or “insignificant.” We believe the opposite is true. Now is the time to practice even better consent to both support the people around you and to help manage the risk of contracting or spreading the disease. Here are some things to consider during this current pandemic and around illness in general.
1. Do what you can to increase your capacity around illness and stress.
- Stay as healthy as you can. See information from the CDC HERE on avoiding infection. If nothing else, remember to wash your hands frequently and maintain as much social distance as you can.
- Support your emotional health by practicing stress/anxiety reduction, virtual social contact, good communication, and input/media moderation. Take time to engage in distraction and self-soothing so you have more energy to deal with the hard things.
- Take the time you need to process what’s going on in your world and with the people closest to you. Very few things require a quick response and many benefit from a moment of reflection and consideration.
- Moderate your use of alcohol and other substances. It can be tempting to try to numb fear, anxiety, or boredom. There are other things you can do to manage these feelings: exercise, writing, playing a game, chatting with people on-line, or starting a new project.
- Take some basic steps to keep yourself safe, such as having a couple weeks of food, medicine, other needed items, and entertainment on hand in case you get sick and need to quarantine yourself or your family. That does not mean take everything you can for yourself. There are a lot of other people who need things too.
- Avoid people who are sick and stay away from people if you are sick. Even if it’s “just a cold,” avoid passing it along. The COVID-19 infection is worse when combined with other infections.
2. Practice clear, honest, and open information sharing.
- Learn what you can about the virus, how it is spread, how it behaves, and what you can do about it. Accurate knowledge, even when hard, helps reduce anxiety. We suggest visiting the websites for the WHO, CDC, and your State’s Health Department. Remember the news and many websites are trying to get you to watch or read and may not have the most accurate or updated information.
- Be honest about your infection status and risks. Tell people when you are sick. Tell people when you’ve been in contact with someone who is sick. Tell people when you’re working a job that puts you in contact with the public.
- Assess your risk profile. Given the information available, decide how willing you are to contract the disease and how dangerous it is for the people you come in contact with to contract the disease through you. (Remember, it is possible to have the illness and have little to no symptoms.) Know what your risk factors are and if you’re willing to take those risks.
- Let the people around you know when you’re in a higher risk category. While this can feel vulnerable, it’s important to be clear with people so they know when there is increased risk.
- Basically, it is better to give more information. It allows all of us to work more cooperatively and get through this together.
3. Be clear and explicit when you agree to something or when you set a boundary.
- Know your needs, wants, and risks regarding this illness. Make honest decisions based on those and your circumstances.
- If someone makes a request of you, and it’s something you want to do, give them a clear and explicit yes. Now is not the time to be coy or unclear.
- Know your boundaries. Base them on your own experiences, needs, and risks. Think about what they need to be for you and the people close to you.
- If someone makes a request or demand of you, and it’s something you’re unable to do, can’t do safely, or simply don’t want to do, give them a clear and explicit no. Avoid doing things that risk your or someone else’s health.
- Practicing clear and honest communication in these stressful times will help keep everyone safer.
4. Remember to center autonomy in your interactions.
- Autonomy is the right that every single person has to choose what happens to their body, mind, and spirit. While we can’t enforce autonomy against a virus, we can hold on to our own autonomy and respect that of others.
- One way to do that is to be clear with both your consent and your boundaries. Choose the behavior that is right for you. Don’t allow someone to push you into decisions, through bullying, intimidation, or fear, that you do not choose for yourself. Hold your boundaries where you can, or leave a bad situation where you can’t. Take control of yourself, your own behavior, and the things you can control. Accept there are things you can’t control.
- Another way is to respect the autonomy of others. Avoid pushing or coercing other people into something just because you want it. Manage your own stress and fear without taking it out on other people. Avoid blaming others, individuals or groups, for something they have no control over. Interact with understanding, compassion, and patience while people figure out what’s right for them.
- On a practical note, remember that your autonomy ends at the end of your finger tips. Make sure to also be mindful of your words and your behavior. It’s tempting during a crisis to do what we want and take what we need, forgetting or demeaning others. That’s harmful to everyone. When you speak to people (from a distance or via text) remember your words have impact, that might be different than your intent. When you’re tempted to push past, ignore, or risk infecting someone, because they’re in the way of something you want, remember your behavior has consequences. Similarly, when you take everything you can out of the store, because having it helps you feel safer, remember there are others who need it too. When we all have something, we all feel a little safer.
5. Practice Consent, even when it’s hard.
- Remember to ask people for things. It’s important to take your time and make honest requests (where it’s okay for the other person to say no) of others. And it’s just as important to wait for them to give an honest answer.
- It’s easy, when stressed or feeling overwhelmed, to ignore anything other than those feelings. It is human and it’s the time to work even harder at being consensual and working to respect others. Being consensual helps to improve safety and reduce stress for everyone.
- Take your time. Things can get hard. Very few things are improved by a rushed decision. Nothing is improved by panic. Do what you can to center, relax, and pause before saying something or reacting. Where you can, take a deep breath. (And if you’re having trouble taking a deep breath, please call your doctor.)
- Remember to be kind. The virus does not discriminate or target any one group. There’s no reason we should.
- Continue to learn about consent. It’s a great time to take a class on-line or talk virtually with people about it. If you would like to read more about these ideas, and more, our book “The Consent Primer” is available for delivery through Amazon.
We hope you’re all taking care of yourself and the people close to you. We can get through it together if we do what we can to take care of ourselves and others. Consent is a part of that and we hope you will find some time to center it in your life while we move through this difficult moment in history. Stay safe and stay consensual.
The Consent Academy